It's only about 6k words so it shouldn't take me too long :o)
Let's go.. Chapter one - We meet the main characters.
Ok.. not a bad intitial set up. I think it might be a little wordy but I am not going to revise it. That can wait till I have written more than 4 chapters..
well maybe a little pruning.
and some paragraphing.. wow did I write in large chunks of text..
Also.. the language really needs to be less formal...
e.g. It had been some time since someone her age had come looking..
Now reads: It had been ages since someone her age had come looking.
I think that reads better.
Onwards to Chapter 2..
I still love the description of Niamh's house.. it's where I would most love to live.
It had a lived in air. A tiny television set was hidden away in one corner of the room, almost overwhelmed by stacks of books that lined the walls of the room haphazardly. Two low couches faced each other across a large coffee table. The fireplace was an old wrought iron one, with green tiles and a marble front. It was already set for a fire.
I did write an awful lot about food.. may need to edit that out later.. for now it stays.
And drink.. they do seem to like their drink in the second chapter..
Oooh the nightmare scene.. I think this will be revised a little.. it needs to be scarier.
Okay.. I'll leave it at that.. Chapters 3 & 4 will be re-read tomorrow.
It's been useful..The plot bunnies are waking up again..
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